Today is the day! I am picking up Diablo III today after work. Forget goals for a bit. Fuck off future self.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, mostly because I’ve been observing other people lately and trying to understand why they do what they do. In an attempt to better understand myself. Why they might snap so easily or why they sell themselves short or never leave the house. I think many people do not love or believe in themselves. I don’t mean in the participation trophy sort of way. I mean holding yourself to a higher standard because you know you deserve a better life, and that you have the power to make that happen.

Life is hard. We all get discouraged. Some things are beyond our control. But nothing is entirely impossible. Mope a little bit, but then dip your toes in some inspiration and get your ass back out there. Your attitude, and the hours you put in, they will directly improve your life. You have to be open to change, and criticism. Let go of your petty attachments and entitlements. Don’t expect others to always be there, depend on yourself. Set goals and make them. Then set more. A sense of accomplishment is a good starting place for loving and valuing yourself.

This isn’t to say that I don’t struggle with this and have all the answers. I have the same problems as everyone else, but ya gotta bounce back from it and not let it submerge you. I tend to find that getting things done helps take my mind off of whatever is eating me up inside.

Guess what bitches? I passed my A+ certification exam! Dread is gone, and relief has settled in. Back to reading for fun again.

My workers just gleefully informed me that tomorrow is “Bring your child to work day”.

Some people are fueled by passion in order to achieve their artistic goals. For me it’s far less noble and romantic, it’s more of a compulsion. Like an OCD person that needs to keep their kitchen floor clean or everyone they love will die.

This world is so much more beautiful and scary and strange than we are willing to give it credit for. Of all the planets, we get to live here and in this time. Next time I am worrying about something a stupid ape said to me, I’ll try instead to think about how insane the ocean is.

Here is something I learned that has helped make me a lot happier in life. Stop giving a shit about other people’s opinions and let go the idea that yours are superior and that they should be recognized by the world as such. It typically will get you nowhere, is often wasted effort and most people only want to hear things that they agree with anyhow. Take as much information in as possible, for the sake of learning about yourself and the world, not to project your “who’s right and wrong” bullshit. Then again I am contradicting all the above by even typing this, aren’t I?

The last 24 hours has really been a pile of good things.

* A close friend called me yesterday to tell me he is officially in remission.
* My friend Nelly that I have not seen in ages is staying at my pad. It’s been fun and surreal spending time with her. We haven’t seen each other much since High School which was nearly ten years ago.
* Got my car repaired.
* Things are looking good for the house purchase.
* Finally have another hand to help at the office so I can actually get things done there now.

Just overall I’ve been feeling really positive and up beat. I think all the self help books, podcasts about self actualization and introspection, being more active and making super healthy smoothies is helping.

Keep it coming life.

The longer I am on this rock flying through space, the more obvious it becomes that the way I want to live and what makes me happy, do not fit into the system that our society dictates. It makes me feel powerless and depressed for this planet and for others that feel this way. I know that I was always powerless, most of us are, but to be constantly faced with it, sometimes its too much.

Enough with the escapism that I normally go to in order to put my mind temporarily at ease. Time to get real and have a game plan.